The main sign that love has faded has been identified

Love or just a habit? Psychologist explained how to recognize emotional inertia in relationships

Many couples continue to live together for years, although the real feelings between them have long faded. They are connected not by love, but by comfort, habit, and fear of change - like roommates or relatives. This phenomenon was described in detail by psychologist Stanislav Sambursky in a conversation with Gazeta.ru.

"Habit is radically different from passion and tenderness. It's just predictability. Our brain saves energy, not wanting to restructure the familiar scenario: morning coffee, breakfast, the evening question 'how was your day'," explains the specialist. "When the living emotional core disappears behind this everyday scheme, the relationship becomes suffocating."

In psychology, this phenomenon is known as emotional inertia - a situation where relationships continue not because of deep feelings, but because of unwillingness to change anything. It becomes difficult for a person to ask the important question: "Where is our union heading?"

There is a common misconception that love should constantly be a bright extravaganza. However, the initial hormonal surge inevitably passes, leaving behind a "romantic bonfire" that can either warm the partners or turn into cold embers.

"In consultations, clients often admit: 'My husband doesn't abuse alcohol, doesn't yell, provides for the family. But we live like roommates.' They fear breaking up, believing that 'everyone lives like this.' However, this should not be the norm," emphasizes Sambursky.

The psychologist offers a simple thought experiment: imagine that your partner has left for a month or even a year. What emotions do you experience? Relief, longing, or joy from newfound freedom? Your reaction will clarify a lot.

The main reason people stay in such relationships is the illusion of safety: "He's not a bad person," "So everything is fine." But the status of "not a bad person" is not at all equivalent to real love.

The expert also noted the role of cognitive dissonance - when you internally recognize the absence of love, but continue to make joint plans because "there's nothing to complain about" or out of fear of being alone.

"It's critically important not to silence problems, but to discuss them. Sometimes feelings fade not because of a lack of love, but because you've lost yourself - emotionally burned out, tired, overloaded. Listen to your body's signals: if you literally can't breathe when you're with your partner - this is a serious warning sign. Don't be afraid to ask yourself honest questions and, if necessary, seek professional support: specialist consultations, support groups, or a space where you can restore emotional balance," recommends Sambursky.